Love in All the Wrong Places Read online

  If I Hear Puccini When We Kiss – Age 25

  I know I'm a hopeless romantic, but I guess I'm still the type of girl who hopes I'll meet the right guy who just gets me. The kind of guy who respects women and proves that chivalry is not a thing of the past. You know, the type who opens doors and can pick up the phone to make a dinner reservation once in a while because he's a take charge kind of guy. Someone who appreciates all the things I do for him and makes sure I know it. I love to do nice things for the people I care about and make them feel special, so hopefully he is the same kind of person. Although looks aren’t everything, there definitely has to be chemistry between us. And when we finally kiss for the first time, I want to hear Puccini in my head. Pretty lame, you're probably saying. But if there IS that kind of guy still out there, maybe he'll see this ad.

  But that's a tall order for anyone to fill and I haven't even told you anything about ME. Well, to start off, I have a steady job and some of the best friends in the world. I’m pretty close to my family and they all live around here as I’m a SoCal native. I'm about 5'8", have long straight brown hair, hazel eyes, and I’m pretty athletic, but I have curves — I’m not a stick. I played volleyball and ran track in junior high and high school. I'm part Scandinavian and part Asian, but I think I look more Asian. I love being active and enjoy hiking, kayaking, swimming, and have even been known to do a bit of surfing. I also enjoy doing things at home like cooking, watching TV and movies and playing video games. I love group activities like board game nights, bowling, dancing, karaoke, you name it. I'm new to this whole online dating thing, but I figured it couldn't hurt to give it a shot.

  If you're interested, in your mid-twenties to early thirties, at least 6' tall, disease free and reasonably sane, please feel free to contact me.

  Please don't send pictures of you naked (this includes half naked pictures of you holding your junk). If someone hasn't already told you this, it's NOT a turn on. Please don't send a one-liner or something you've copied and pasted to twenty other women either. I took time to write this, so I think it's only fair that you take time to write a genuine reply. And you're more likely to get a response from me if you send a recent picture. If I think we might be compatible, you'll hear back from me. If you don't, it's nothing personal.

  Going through the motions again, she reviewed the ad and posted it, then had to log into her email to confirm it before it would go live. This time, it was only a matter of a few minutes before she had some responses waiting in her inbox. Apparently, some people couldn’t read, because her first responses were a one-liner, a copy/paste and a short email with no picture attached. Giving the short email the benefit of the doubt, she quickly read the message.

  From: Brian Anderson

  Subject: Are you real?

  Date: November 26, 2012 12:35

  To: [email protected]

  You sound very interesting and someone that I think I would click well with. I just moved to Cali and am looking to meet new people. I am a SWM, 6'1" and athletic as well. I played football and hockey in college and still play. Please email me back if you are legit, for I seem to get the run around a lot! Hope to hear from you!

  Brian

  For a brief moment, she felt irritated at the lack of picture. Then she shrugged and decided she could at least confirm that she was a real person before expecting him to send a picture. She couldn’t really blame the guy for wanting to make sure she was serious before doing so.

  From: Annie Chang

  Subject: Totally legit

  Date: November 26, 2012 12:40

  To: Brian Anderson

  Hi Brian,

  Yes, I’m a real person, totally legit here. Welcome to Cali. What do you think so far and where are you from originally? I’ve lived here all my life and still love it. I don’t know too much about football and hockey, but I like playing sports myself. I played volleyball for about six years, had a brief stint on the girls’ basketball team in junior high and ran track for a few years as well.

  After sending her email, she deleted both the one-liner and the copy/paste and opened a new email as it arrived in her inbox. It was a short message from a guy who didn’t say much other than he liked her ad, thought they might have some things in common and didn’t really like women with big egos. It was accompanied by a totally random picture of him swimming through a lake, but the email address was generic and he didn’t mention anything about himself such as his name, age or height. She deleted that one as well and then just sat there for a moment, staring at her inbox as she waited for another email to appear. Brian did not disappoint her. Within another minute, she received a response from him.

  From: Brian Anderson

  Subject: Just checking

  Date: November 26, 2012 12:45

  To: Annie Chang

  Hey Annie,

  Sorry, I just want to make sure. Lots of fake people out there ya know, just looking for my credit card number. So far so good in Cali. Lots of people though, but you just cannot beat the weather. I hail from Minnesota originally. What about you? You seem like an athletic chick. What else do you like?

  Frustratingly, there was still no picture attached and Annie didn’t really want to be the first one to buckle and send hers before she’d seen what he looked like. Two could play this game.

  From: Annie Chang

  Subject: What I like to do

  Date: November 26, 2012 12:50

  To: Brian Anderson

  Rest assured I am not looking for your credit card number. What made you decide to move to the west coast? I've never been to Minnesota, doncha know? Haha, sorry, I couldn't resist. :P

  Um…I like long walks on the beach in moonlight? :) But really, when I'm not working, I'm usually hanging out with my friends or sometimes you can find me glued to my Xbox. I've also been known to frequent Commerce Casino for a game of Texas Hold'em although I haven't gone there to play for over a year. I enjoy the occasional weekend getaway to Vegas, but have only gotten up the courage to play poker there a few times.

  I like to cook and consider my culinary skills a little above average. And once in a while, I can be found singing at various karaoke bars in L.A. What about yourself?

  His next response came as quickly as the first, but yet again, there was no picture attached. She glanced at the clock and saw that her lunch hour was nearly over. Quickly, she scanned through the email so she would have a chance to respond before having to return to work.

  From: Brian Anderson

  Subject: You Seem Cool

  Date: November 26, 2012 12:55

  To: Annie Chang

  Haha, I know, I was just joking. I moved out here for work. I am a construction manager, so I wanted to try something a bit different in another state.

  Xbox player, huh? I like to play video games as well, but I never seem to find the time to do so. When I do, it is usually NCAA football or something like that. As far as Hold ‘em goes, I like to play, but am not all that good. I am sure you could kick my butt in that. I love Vegas and go at least once a year for the cover basketball tourney with a bunch of friends. It is so close to L.A., though, so I am sure I will go more frequently now that I live here. We should go! Lol

  I enjoy playing sports and watching them. I’m up for pretty much anything and will try anything at least once, ya know? Let me know if you are free sometime. Maybe we could grab a drink or something? You seem like a cool chick. Hope to hear from you.

  P.S. We don't even sound like that. :)

  Smiling to herself, she wrote back a short response, still not including her picture either. If he didn’t send a picture after this email, she was either going to have to break down and send her picture first or else she might have to consider moving on to the next prospect. Either way, she needed to get back to work and finish these reports before her boss came looking for them.

  From: Annie Chang

  Subject: Need More Time

  Date: November 26, 2012 13:00

&nb
sp; To: Brian Anderson

  Oh, I see. Ooh construction worker, eh? Like to work with your hands? ;-) Yeah, I play some first person shooter games once in a while. Other than that, I like some of the dance games I can play with my Kinect.

  I'll think about the drink. I'm a little wary of this whole online dating thing. I would feel more comfortable after getting to know you a little better via email. And I still don't know what you look like. Just sayin'...

  She toggled from her email back to her spreadsheet and continued to work on her reports. A few minutes later, she heard the ding of her inbox letting her know that she had a new email.

  From: Brian Anderson

  Subject: No Pressure

  Date: November 26, 2012 13:08

  To: Annie Chang

  No, I don't really work with my hands. Well, sometimes I have to. I manage and schedule the work to get completed as far as subs doing the framing, etc. No worries on getting the drink. I totally understand on that one. We for sure can email for awhile and get to know each other and then go from there, ya know?

  I too am curious of who I am talking to. Trying to put a face to the words. If you like, I could send you a picture. Nothing creepy. I’m not like that at all. Just moved out here and looking to meet some new peeps.

  From: Annie Chang

  Subject: This is Me

  Date: November 26, 2012 13:11

  To: Brian Anderson

  Oh I see…well fine, here, I’ll go first. Nothing creepy here either. :)

  She attached her picture and hit send. Within five minutes, he responded.

  From: Brian Anderson

  Subject: I like what I see

  Date: November 26, 2012 13:16

  To: Annie Chang

  Wow, you are very attractive. :) Here is me. I am the guy on the right. Haha. I am not good at the self pic, so I took one out of my library. The little man with me is my nephew, Jacob.

  He was pretty average looking in a t-shirt and cap, had a nice smile but slightly overlarge teeth, looked to be in his mid-thirties, and had an adorable little boy with blonde hair perched on his lap. Annie felt a slight pang of disappointment — he was definitely not her type.

  While Annie debated responding to Brian, a new email from Danny, the comedian, arrived. She’d almost forgotten about him in the two days since he last emailed her. It was very short; all he said was, “How are you doing this rainy afternoon?” She didn’t bother responding as she wasn’t too thrilled it had taken him so long to get back to her. You snooze, you lose. Before she could return to the report she was working on, another email from Brian appeared.

  From: Brian Anderson

  Subject: I REALLY like what I see

  Date: November 26, 2012 13:22

  To: Annie Chang

  Sorry, I should have said very cute instead. I’m not too good at this.

  Oh, good Lord. At this rate she was never going to get any work done. She thought for a minute before responding. Not wanting to come off as a bitch, she wasn’t quite sure what she could say that wouldn’t offend him, but wouldn’t lead him on either.

  From: Annie Chang

  Subject: Thanks

  Date: November 26, 2012 13:24

  To: Brian Anderson

  Sorry, I had a phone call. Thanks for the sweet words. Your nephew is adorable. :) You’re not too bad yourself. Can I ask how old you are, though?

  From: Brian Anderson

  Subject: Age ain’t nothin’ but a number

  Date: November 26, 2012 13:25

  To: Annie Chang

  No worries! Yeah, everyone thinks he is really cute. It’s kind of a bad picture of me, though, with my teeth sticking out there. I am 31…hopefully that doesn’t turn you away…

  Thirty-one wasn’t exactly ancient, so it wasn’t his age she had an issue with. But how could she tell him nicely that there just wasn’t any chemistry between them?

  From: Annie Chang

  Subject: Back to work

  Date: November 26, 2012 13:28

  To: Brian Anderson

  It’s not a bad picture and no, your age doesn’t turn me away. I do have to get back to work, though. I have some month end reports that are due today and my boss will skin me alive if they’re not done on time. It was nice talking to you. Hope you have a great afternoon.

  It was the nicest let down Annie could think of and she figured he would get the hint when she didn’t write back again. With no further interest in either of her current prospects, she was able to focus on her work for the rest of the day. By four o’clock, she sent the reports to her boss and breathed a sigh of relief. The task she dreaded most was over again for another month.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Fumbling with her front door lock until she finally got it open, Annie breathed a sigh of relief. It was good to be home from work. She dropped her bag on the armchair and stumbled over to her couch, which she fell onto face forward with a groan. Laying there for a few minutes, she tried to relax and let the stress of the day fade away. As usual, she couldn’t shut her mind off long enough to do so.

  Frustrated, she reached under her coffee table and pulled out an intricately carved wooden box which she set on the coffee table in front of her. Flipping the latch and opening the lid, she reached inside to retrieve a small glass pipe with green and yellow swirls of color, a small glass canister containing high-grade medical Marijuana and a black Bic lighter.

  She opened the canister and pulled out a little green bud before reaching into the box again for a small wooden grinder. Pulling the two circular halves apart, you could see small metal spikes protruding from either side. She packed a nug of weed against one side and then put the halves back together, twisting them back and forth a few times. Taking it back apart, she emptied it out onto the coffee table and began to pack the weed she’d broken down into the bowl of the glass pipe.

  When she was finished, she raised the pipe to her lips and lit a corner of the bowl. She inhaled and held her breath for several seconds, then exhaled as a cloud of smoke escaped from her lips. Beginning to feel much calmer and more relaxed, she took another hit and then placed everything back in the box before closing it and replacing it under the coffee table.

  In southern California, it was pretty common-place for many people to have a prescription for medical Marijuana. Annie’s use of the drug had started back in high school when her first boyfriend had offered her a joint one day after school. She had been skeptical of trying it at first, but had quickly come to enjoy it.

  Her mind was always racing as she thought about her classes, extra-curricular activities and her part-time job, and it would often keep her lying awake at night for hours. Smoking the occasional bowl helped calm her mind and let her relax, so as soon as she had come of age, she booked an appointment with a doctor and obtained her first prescription.

  Annie headed for the bedroom to change out of her work clothes and pulled on a pair of shorts and a tank top. Even though it was the end of November, it had been a very warm day with temperatures in the mid-80s and showed no sign of cooling down anytime soon.

  Thirsty, she got a glass from the cupboard and a pitcher of lemonade from the refrigerator. After pouring, she raised the glass to her lips and drank deeply of the cool, refreshing citrus juice. Then she refilled the glass and returned the pitcher to the refrigerator.

  Wandering into the living room, she set the glass on a coaster on the coffee table, flopped back down on the couch and pulled her laptop forward. She would try once more to write a decent ad that would get some better responses. Cracking her knuckles, she paused for a moment to think, then started typing.

  A Real Girl Looking for a Real Guy

  Tall, athletic, 25, brown hair, hazel eyes, mixed ethnicity, oh and 420 friendly…those are the important dets, right? And you? You are in your mid twenties to early thirties, at least six feet and hopefully even taller than that so I can wear my heels around you and still be shorter. I’m new to online dating — have yet to meet an
yone in person. Would like to get to know someone for a while via e-mail and then hopefully meet up. I’m not really looking for the man of my dreams who I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, but it’d be nice to meet someone I share some chemistry with. I like guys who are well-balanced and spontaneous and like to do things both inside and outside. Send me a pic and tell me a little something about yourself and what you’re looking for. Extra points for being creative! ;-)

  After she finished reviewing and posting it, her tummy rumbled at her, so she decided to start making dinner. She had been craving yellow curry for a while and it was easy for her to make. Pausing to place her cell phone in the docking station on the kitchen counter, she took a moment to load up some music so she could listen and sing along while she cooked.

  Adele’s sultry voice began to croon to her as she got some chicken breasts, potatoes, carrots and an onion from the refrigerator, pulled a tub of curry paste and a can of coconut milk out of the pantry and began to prep the ingredients. Humming along and singing when she knew the words, Annie chopped the vegetables and got her wok out of the cabinet, then turned on the burner.

  Measuring out a few tablespoons of curry paste, she poured a bit of soybean oil into the wok and began to stir fry it together. Next she added the chicken and some more coconut milk, then some water and the chopped vegetables. She left it to simmer on the stove while she went back to check her email and saw that there were a few responses waiting for her. Clicking on the first one, she smiled as she saw a picture of a really cute bare-chested guy with tats standing on a beach. He was wearing a black baseball cap and a silver chain and had a sexy grin.

  From: Gabe Thomas

  Subject: Born and raised in LA